i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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