Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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