It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
