Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
