she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
