I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
