He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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