2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
