piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
