four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
