im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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