My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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