we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
