still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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