Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
