Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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