remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
