we have officially lost it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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