worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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