decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
