Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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