I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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