From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
