You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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