Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
