I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
