you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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