Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
