I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
