I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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