I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
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I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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