Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Screwed.edu
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
