I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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