i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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