So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
