i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
