Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
