Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
