Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
