If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
