i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
