You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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