You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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