I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
