There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
