He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
