Already got asked if we're dating
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
