So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
