I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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