tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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