Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
