Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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