note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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