I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
