i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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