Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
