I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize