I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Randomize
