just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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