DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this just has baby written all over it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
