he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
