my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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