Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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