i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
