Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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