Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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