This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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